Avoidance

Unfinished business

I know I need too - but I can't…..

It's uncomfortable, so I'll wait…

Perhaps I won't need too -

Maybe things will change?

That call I was going to make

That friend I hesitated reaching out too.

Tomorrow may be a better day,

So I'll wait one more,

Another and the next,

A week goes by - a month - a year…

Still paralysed by fear

What will I say?

How will I feel?

Were my imaginings real?

Alive now only in my mind

I've left it all behind,

Unprocessed and avoided,

Filed under pending in my memory.

How can this be?

When I've tried hard to forget

Events and conversations long gone

And yet - now years have passed

Will opportunity arise

To present me with a gift?

So I will never need to face

The awkwardness of this!

Time passes

Does it matter now at all?

That text - that conversation-

That call?

Where do you need closure? What's eating at you inside? Is there anything that you're avoiding dealing with that's stuck at the back of your mind?

You can ignore it, you can avoid it, you decide to close the door on it, but somehow it just keeps pushing itself to the surface over and over again! In your quiet reflective moments you are aware of it lurking there, though most of the time you can ‘sit on it’ - distracting yourself with activities or people or events. All of these things may seem to be supporting you on your journey, but all of them take you on a circular route back to the same place!

For myself, its overthinking that stalls me. I can argue myself out of taking any kind of action. I can convince myself to leave well alone. I'm pretty good at making an argument for remaining silent when I need to speak. My ego mind comes up with all kinds of quotes like - let sleeping dogs lie! Anything that supports my decision to avoid meeting the problem head on, thus avoiding conflict or communication which may involve difficult emotions to arise within me.

I realise how clever and cunning my brain can be, preferring to follow well worn pathways designed to ‘protect’ me from uncomfortable feelings or perceived pain. Yet I know, at the same time, that it is impossible to do the same thing over and over and expect a different result. I am always left with an inner restlessness when I don't deal with any pressing needs that continue to disturb my inner peace.

Coming to a place of surrender is the best solution. A place of fearlessness that will allow me to replace these outdated fear based patterns with new healthier strategies. Sounds simple doesn't it? It is anything but simple, and it's not a one time thing either!

Surrender only becomes continuous when we eventually begin to live and move from a surrendered place. This will only happen when we live from our heart - from our Divine Connection to God. My own experience has been that I move in and out of this place until I eventually recognise that there is actually no other place to go! God's plan for me is, and has always been, greater than mine. Letting go of my own desires and plans requires a total trust and surrender to God, believing that I will be guided and supported through whatever may come my way.

In short, whatever is happening for you in this moment, the very best thing will always be to ‘Let go and Let God!’ Listen for that still small voice that whispers in the silence. Allow what rises up to come to the surface - and face it! Let the feeling flood you in your body, and if you need to, give it a voice! Deal with it. Make that call. Visit that friend. Tomorrow may be too late.

In the past three weeks two of my friends have passed from this life. It has brought home to me how limited our time is on earth. Today is all we really have. Use it wisely. I pray that I will always deal with all my unfinished business as soon as I become aware of it - not leaving it till a tomorrow that may never come. Be brave my friends and take informed action when you are prompted by God.

Many blessings as always

Carole 💜🙏💜